Nothing will ever cost you more than having a heart of gold. 

When you try to let go of someone you love, it’s as if you are holding a knife to your chest. Physically, you have the strength to push it in. But emotionally - you’re completely incapable. Because you know how much it would hurt. You know that the instant you try, you’re going to start to bleed. And if you go all the way through with it, it just may kill you.

It sucks when you care about someone to the point where you almost can’t even handle it. And you’re so sure that kind of love is reciprocated until the day you’re just tossed aside like you’re nothing. And you hate yourself every time a tear falls. Every time you get the urge to fight. Every time everything inside of you just wants to scream and hope they hear you. Because no amount of crying, fighting, or screaming is going to change the fact that this is all your fault. You let yourself care that much. 

Sometimes love isn’t enough, but sometimes it’s all that you need. Sometimes losing the one that you love makes you realize just how much they were holding you together. Because you’re left with nothing but an empty space where they used to be, and the more you try to keep it together - the more everything falls apart. You lose your sense of direction, making every wrong turn until you’re completely lost in all of the mistakes that you’ve made - and you swear that losing them is the worst feeling that you’re capable of experiencing until you let them down. When their happiness is the most important thing to you - nothing cuts quite as deep as knowing that you’re the reason for their pain. And when they have every logical reason to go, but still stay by your side - that’s when you know that love is enough. And that’s when you put everything you have into making sure you never let it go - because you know that it’s all that you will ever need. 

Swear that you love me. Promise me that you’ll never leave. Then turn around, break me down. Your words like a slap in the face. Suddenly I’m your worst enemy. Left alone to piece myself back together. But you know that once I do find the strength to stand again, I still won’t walk away. I will stand right here, waiting until you come back. Every time. 

Sometimes love doesn’t change. Sometimes no amount of hurt or disappointment can phase it. You feel the let down when it comes, but the love is still in some secluded untouchable place, so deep that the hurt can’t reach it to taint it. And the love is what dissolves the hurt, because it’s always stronger. You may not be invincible, but the way that you love them is. Because nothing can come close to breaking it. Day after day, year after year, it never fades. That’s the kind of love worth living for, and the kind of love that should never be taken for granted.

It’s like standing there, watching someone that means the world to you aim a gun right at you and pull the trigger. And the bullet hits you, and you just have to take it. It hurts so bad, and as much as you want to scream and just let the pain break you down to a puddle on the floor, you have to take a deep breath, cover the hole in your chest, and pretend that you’re fine. Because you can’t let them see you bleed.

Sometimes I wish you could see everything you’ve done to me - every scar, every cut, every bruise. But no matter how much it hurts, no matter how deep the cut is, I cover it all up just so it doesn’t hurt you, too. And then you forget. You think I’m invincible to what you do to me so you don’t even think twice about it. Because I always seem fine. But maybe, just maybe. If I let you see all the marks you’ve left on me. If I let you see what’s really underneath, you wouldn’t hurt me again. 

You know. Of all the things that scare me, knowing you has made my biggest fear, losing you. Because I can’t imagine anything worse than that. And I would face all of my other fears a thousand times, if it meant never having to face that one.

For you, I’d be willing to jump, and risk the fall. Because you are the only person that makes me feel like I could fly.

NIGHTNIGHT by DEDDY